Infinite Juggler

For the most part, I don't realize that having twins is hard.

I don't mean in the daily-stressed-out-stop-fighting-you-two kind of way. That's sort of a given when you have more than one child, whether they are twins or not.

But I am a single mother by choice, raising two children. And more often than not, I have someone "bless my heart" or ask me how I do it or just stare dumbfounded at my choice to do this alone. 

Do I go out of my mind crazy every single day? Yeah, pretty much. But at the same time, I don't feel like my burden is heavy because I have always had two children instead of one. I don't feel as if life would have been easier with one. I can't even imagine what life would be like if there were one.

When they were born, I breastfed them at the same time. I carried them up four flights of stairs at the same time. A few years down the road, I pushed them in separate grocery carts (you try explaining to a three year old why they have to sit in the grocery part while their sibling gets to ride in the seat part) at the same time. I've attended field trips (they've always had different classes/teachers), gone to awards shows, seen plays, watched games, etc., for both of them . . . at the same time. 

I buy school clothes, birthday gifts, happy meals, all of that, times two. And even still, I don't ever think, This would be so much better/less expensive/more fun/more clean if I had one kid. 
 
Every once in a while, one of them will ask me who I love more. How can I answer that? How can I weigh the two pieces of my heart in each hand? I can't. I am, instead, an infinite juggler.

Image from Flickr

A Year Without Blog

I am afraid the title of this post reveals way too much about me, but hopefully no one will really get the reference. (Thank you, Selena Gomez).

I'm finding it hard to believe that I started this blog over a year ago, and have written exactly one post (and deleted four others). It takes a lot of discipline and perseverance to be this much of a slacker. The truth is, I find it harder and harder to keep a personal blog. Ignoring the fact that I can barely find time to brush my teeth, let alone blog, I also have a hard time pinpointing which "personality" I want to unleash on the social networking world.

See, other people have no problems writing snarky blog posts, and then switching to profoundly inspirational ones, or even informative posts that teach something. But I have a hard time bringing together the motley group of personalities that exist within me (do I sound crazy yet?). It isn't easy to market yourself as a professional freelance book editor while calling people "bitches" and talking about your kids' fart conversations. At least, I don't think it is.

The truth of the matter is, I talk like a trucker, have a sick sense of humor, and can be pretty obnoxious on occasion. Because of this I've stayed away from blogging--all kinds, be it personal or professional. Which has probably hurt me when it comes to getting new editing clients. I've actually shied away from the whole "social networking as a marketing instrument" thing.

Image from Google

But I find there is just too much I want to say, too much I want to write out, and even if no one ever reads it, I have to have an outlet. So, this is my personal blog/site. I will also have a professional one that is launching very soon. And never the twain shall meet.